Murder In My Heart
by immyownsuperman
Summary: Songfic. Remus/Hermione. Follows the books, but twists feelings to what I like. Please read to understand. R&R


_I used to love a boy_

_I still see him in these rooms_

_His head was like the summer_

_And his voice was like the moon_

I used to love a boy, a man. He was my world, the one that I always turned to in my time of need. His sandy blonde hair would fall into his eyes, and when he smile at me it would meet his eyes; something that had always been rare in those times. He had three angry scars on his face, but to me it made him, well, him. Those three scars that were scars to his struggle of life. And when he spoke to me, late at night; those are my favorite memories. In the library, book in hand, we would talk for hours about this or that. It didn't matter, his voice would fill the moon.

_Sometimes he makes me heavy_

_A deeper shade of blue_

_And there's murder in my heart_

_And there's nothing I can do_

I remember crying myself to sleep over him. Watching him with his wife, laughing and smiling at her. Something I had always thought would be for me. Sometimes he'd notice me, notice that I had been crying. He would hold me, and promise me that he still love me; if not like I used to think he would. That we would always be friends. But it never helped; he was happy. But he wasn't happy with me.

_I used to love a boy_

_But now he's two years dead_

_I hear myself repeating what my father always said_

_Don't let it make you bitter_

_And watch while you're blue_

At the end of the long war, I saw his body. His body that looked peaceful in death, as if he was only sleeping. He lay next to his dead wife. But I didn't see her, I only saw him. His eyes shut, unseeing in death. I cried over his body, trying to hide my reason for such grief. I lied told them it was only for Teddy, his sweet boy. But it made me bitter, curse the existence of life. I remember my father tell me not to let it, that life still goes on without him or not.

_I got murder in my heart_

_But I'd rather die instead_

No one knew how I took it, not truly. Harry thought he knew, saying that he had been my friend; but now I should move on. I couldn't move on thought, not after that. Not after never truly having him for my own. For weeks I wished for death in anyway I could find. Splinching when I apparated. But even living in Saint Mungos after a while grows tiring. Even if the pain was worth it.

_Somebody would've taken on a lover_

_Does anybody need another friend_

_Right now anybody doesn't need_

I wanted friends, that's all I needed to move on. No one understood, not even Ron. He tried to get me to cheer up, saying we had a future. I didn't want a lover. Not now, not ever. I wanted him, and only him. His sandy blonde hair, falling into his deep blue eyes. The only person who had ever challenged me mentally and intellectuality.

_I kinda like the ocean_

_With its arms stretched open wide_

_But I know what it means to be dragged out with the tide_

_And to fight from going under_

_And to keep myself alive_

_And there's murder in my heart_

_And there's water in my eyes_

His cottage was by the sea, the one he had kept even when married to Tonks. The place he would spend three days of his life at. He once told me it calmed the inner wolf, and it was where he kept his darkest secrets. In his will he left me the house, and told me not to get washed by the tide. He was telling me not to let grief take away my life. But I still fought to stay alive; only for him. Even if the tide threatened to drown me.

_Went out late last night_

_Just to get a little air_

_And I walked beneath the streetlights _

_And I saw nobody there_

_Just a bitterness that followed me_

I left the cottage late one night, walking to the nearest muggle town. I thought I saw him, but there was nobody. I knew he would follow me, my heart would be his forever. And walking around the town, I saw what he had once said he saw in it. The people were peaceful, enjoying life. He sent me here for a reason, as he knew how I would grieve. And I was suddenly thankful towards the man that I had loved.

_A saddening surprise_

_There's murder in my heart _

_And I made me that way_

_There's murder in my heart_

_I can't take make it go away _

That was the end of our Story. The one of Hermione Granger and Remus Lupin. I walk with a deep sadness in me, and I know it will never go away. But I move on, for him; I know that's what he would want. I take the time to get to know his son; treating and spoiling as if he was my own. I still remember him when I get married; I still see him smile in my dreams. But he was always have a piece of my heart; and I know that now I must move on. I will live my life.

* * *

><p><strong>The song is Murder in My Heart by: Sheryl Crow<br>Did you like it?  
>I have other RemusHermione fics coming soon.  
>This one didn't flow very well, and I'm sorry.<br>Review!  
>-Josie<br>**


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